There are different techniques you can use to find a place of forgiveness when you have experienced betrayal. Consider each method and find the combination that works best for you. The hurt you have suffered may make a difference. Certainly, it is more difficult to forgive a spouse for years of infidelity than it is for a minor mistake such as forgetting to pay a bill on time.

• Be open and receptive to forgiveness.
• Make a conscious decision to forgive your spouse.
• When images of the betrayal or hurt flash in your mind, think of a calming place or do something to distract yourself from dwelling on those thoughts.
• Don’t throw an error or mistake back in your spouse’s face at a later date; don’t use it as ammunition in an argument.
• Don’t seek revenge or retribution; trying to get even will only extend the pain and chances are good that this won’t really make you feel better anyway.
• Accept that you may never know the reason for the transgression, behavior, or mistake.
• Remember that forgiveness does not mean that you condone the hurtful behavior.
• Be patient with yourself. Being able to forgive your spouse takes time. Don’t try to hurry the process.
• If you are still unable to forgive, or you find yourself dwelling on the betrayal or hurt, please seek professional counseling to help you let go and forgive.