Is he or she emotional, subject to jealous fits? Is he or she prone to temper tantrums? Is he or she subject to wide mood swings? Is he or she calm under any circumstance?
These questions are essential because, as much as you would like to be fully in charge of your life when you date someone and become emotionally involved with them, the dynamics of your life change.
Life brings us particular joys. One of those simple joys is to be involved in a relationship with another person. When we become emotionally involved with another person, unconsciously, we surrender some control to this person. Of course, when it is beautiful and exciting, we never think of it as being manipulated by “remote control.”
You never imagined that you have a “remote control.” Yes! You do. It’s that imaginary instrument that is used to control your life. Just like a television, your life has a remote control. In your case, your remote is invisible; you cannot see it. But still, the person you are dating uses it just as if they were sitting in front of a television. They turn you on and turn you off depending on their mood and feelings. And, if the person holding your remote control is subject to wild emotional swings or calmness, so goes your daily life.
If you are uncertain about who is holding your “remote control”, then take an imaginary journey. You’ve just won a round-the-world trip for 60 days: you can take one person along; who would you want to take with you? Don’t cheat; you must be honest with yourself. It is the first person that naturally comes to your mind. You cannot reason why you would or would not want to go with this person.
Now, you have the answer to the question who is holding your “remote control.” The holder of your “remote control” is that person whose words or actions will have the most significant
impact on your daily life.
What is control? It is the action or the words of another person that causes you to act or do things in a certain way. This control affects your daily life positively or negatively. Do not be
surprised; the holder of your “remote control”; can be someone you have never met personally.
Take Eun Hae, thirty years old, she has been married for five years, and has a son. She met Jacques, a French guy, on the internet. They corresponded by mail and instant messenger for over six months. This internet friendship became very important to her daily life. If she had a good night chatting, she was happy, contented and would treat her family husband and son with love and consideration the next day. However, if her internet night did not go well, her internet friend could not chat with her; the next day, she would be miserable, disagreeable, and ready to ;take out her bad mood on others.
Her daily life was controlled by the friendship, or relationship, with a person she had never met. She gave up meeting her friends and going out in the evenings. The most important thing to her daily life was chatting with her friend on the internet. She had given her remote control to someone who was a virtual person, but this relationship was natural to her.
For most of us, the holder of our remote control is the person we are dating or our spouse. But
sometimes, the holder of our remote control is different from the person we are dating, and that is the time we will begin to have serious problems. Of course, it is thrilling to know that the holder of your remote makes your life exciting and interesting, but when things start going all wrong due to the remote holder’s actions, you feel utterly drained and tired of dealing with this person. This person criticizes your every move and judges you excessively. Somehow you can never do anything right or good enough to please this person. Your clothes are wrong. Your hairstyle is terrible. You are constantly told to go on a diet. Your make-up is wrong. Now you know it’s time to grab your remote, seek help or run for your life. In other words, this relationship has become so toxic that it is harmful to your health.